I have grown up knowing that I was not traditionally beautiful, I was not beautiful according to society’s standards( I never could be). I knew that I wasn’t pretty like my sisters, but they are beautiful in their own way as well. I was the girl in school who was taller than other girls, I had more body mass. I remember a time in middle school when I heard girls talk about how they just reached a 100 pounds. I remember thinking that I was 140 pounds and these other girls were not even close to that. I also remember thinking why was I so much bigger than they were. They ate better than I did, they went home knowing that they would have dinner that night, while I didn’t know if I would that night, yet they were smaller than I was.
I had to come with to terms with the fact that I was not like them. It was hard. I made myself even more different when girls started to wear makeup and I chose not to, for two reasons 1) I didn’t have the money to buy make up. 2) I could sleep more if I didn’t worry about it, and I embraced my natural self.
Now a 20 something in college, I wear makeup, but it is never to change who I am or the way I look. I use it to enhance the beauty I have been given. If you know me well you know that I really don’t have time for anything more than some mascara and maybe filling in my eyebrows. But on the days I have time to put more make up on, its usually never more than a natural color eye shadow and a pink lipstick if I have time. I am confident in my skin, not because I could never be like other people, but because this is who God made me to be.
God is my reason for my confidence in who I am as a person. He made every cell divide in just the right way, he arranged my DNA in the most beautiful and unique way, so that I would never be like any one else on this planet. Knowing this I would never want to change or hide the beauty God gave me. Yes I am a corrupted, sinful, broken human. But he loves me in a way that make me perfect, whole, and beautiful. To try and change or hide is to deny what God has blessed me with, and this is why my beauty could never be found in a eye shadow pallet, because it is only found God, who made me who I am today!