As this year draws to an end I have gotten a chance to look back and try to understand the things I have done right or wrong. The choices I should have made, also to see how much I have changed during the year. I never thought in a million years that I would be here, at this point in life. Who would have thought that the little girl from Oklahoma who never lived in one place for more than 3 years, who has been homeless more times than she can count. Who thought that graduating high school was going to be her greatest accomplishment. Who has a fear of leaving her comfort bubble, to not be accepted, a fear of failing at what God wants her to do.
By God’s grace here she is going to college, standing out so people have to accept her as she is and not for what the world wants her to be. Knowing that she may fail God, but he is greater than any of her failings. Trusting God and leaving her comfort bubble and going overseas to do his work.
This last year has changed me in many way, more small than bigger ways. The small changes are the ones that will be with me tell the end of time. There are many people who helped me to this point of my life, and there are more to come. There are things that I wished I did and didn’t do. there are things that I wish I did better, but I didn’t put my whole self into it. This next year my goal is to tell God to send me before he tells me where to go. To pray about my problems that I can’t control. As I look back on 2013 yes there are things I would change but if I had the chance to change them I wouldn’t because I wouldn’t be the person I am now. All I can hope for is that I am the person God wants me to be.
I have been meaning to put this on here. In one of my classes we had to write an essay about what we believe. This is mine. Hope you enjoy 😀
I Believe in Determination
My parents instilled hard work in me from a young age. They told me that if I worked hard I would have a good life and I would have a good job. My parents have never had an easy life, but they lived by this work hard theory every day; I never saw a day when my parents gave up and stopped working hard. I remember as a child, when I told my father that I wanted to be a doctor, the first thing he told me that he would never be able to help me pay for school but if I worked hard I could become whatever I wanted to be. They told me I could achieve anything if I just worked hard, but what I didn’t realize then was that hard work is nothing without determination.
It was mid-November when I learned this lesson. It was half into my sophomore year. I came home to find that my parents had not paid the rent for two months and we had to be out of the house that we had just moved into three months before. So instead of getting to relax before doing my homework, I had to pack everything I owned. My parents bought a storage unit; I don’t know how they could afford a storage unit. My parents took my sister to her friend’s house. My parents and I had no place to go, so we took all the blankets we had, put them in the car and parked in a Wal-Mart parking lot to spend the night.
I was sitting in our car the next night, with cars driving by, and the buzz of the light above the car. I could hear my father’s snores coming from the back seat where he was trying to sleep and feel the heaviness of the blanket on my shoulders keeping me warm while I attempted to do my homework. In that moment of despair and loneliness I knew that I would never want my children in that kind of situation, nor would I let it happen. I would not let them have to deal with the stress of trying to hide what was going on in their home lives. I promised to God, myself, and my future children that I would graduate high school and go on to college.
In that moment, I knew that hard work without determination would be useless. I had to be just as determined as hard working to make sure my family would never be put in that situation. I know that no matter how hard I work that if I wasn’t determined I would get nowhere and but stuck in the cycle of poverty that my parents have never been able escape.
When junior year started I made sure that I took AP classes, worked as hard as I could, even though it was hard going to school and living in a car or motel. I waited till my junior year had started to tell some of my friends that I was homeless. I told them because I was sick of hiding who I was and sick of lying to them why I could not invite them over or even hang out with them. Lying to my friends made me feel guilty, like I had done something wrong when in reality I had not done anything wrong. It was not my fault that we were homeless, nor was it in my power to control it. I felt guilty because they could come to me with all of their problems with absolute trust, but I did not trust them with my problems. When I did tell them it shocked me that they did not ostracize me or start rumors about me; they truly cared for me and encouraged me to do even better than I would have on my own.
The summer before my senior year of high school we moved into a house, if you could call it that, but it was better than living in a car. Just because we had a house did not mean I could stop working to make sure that my future family would never be homeless. I knew we may be safe and have a home now but we could lose it just as easily. The day I knew that all of my hard work had paid off was not the day that I graduated from high school; it was March 1st, the day that I got my acceptance letter into my first choice college.
The fact that I had achieved, becoming the first in my family to get accepted to a college, didn’t make me less determined. In fact it made me even more so, because I knew that I could achieve anything if I trusted God, worked hard, and stayed determined.
Why is it only during this time of the year that we see God’s miracles in our lives. Is it that he only works during this time of year. If so then why this time of the year why not any other time of the year.
Sorry people this is not true. God does not only do miracles this time of year. The fact that you have woken up every day of you life is a miracle, the fact that there are babies being born every second is a miracle. The fact that you have a roof over your head and food on your table is a miracle.
So why is it we only see miracles during Christmas time. I believe it is this way because during this time of the year we are look and seeing what God is doing every day. Christmas and thanksgiving should not be the only time of the year that we are thankful for what we have. We need to be thankful every day of our lives for what he has given us, not only during the time when every one else is doing it. We are called to stand out, well this as well as our lives need to stand out and be proof to the world of God’s EVERY DAY miracle.