My beauty Will Never Be Found In A Eye Shadow Pallet

I have grown up knowing that I was not traditionally beautiful, I was not beautiful according to society’s standards( I never could be). I knew that I wasn’t pretty like my sisters, but they are beautiful in their own way as well. I was the girl in school who was taller than other girls, I had more body mass. I remember a time in middle school when I heard girls talk about how they just reached a 100 pounds. I remember thinking that I was 140 pounds and these other girls were not even close to that. I also remember thinking why was I so much bigger than they were. They ate better than I did, they went home knowing that they would have dinner that night, while I didn’t know if I would that night, yet they were smaller than I was.

I had to come with to terms with the fact that I was not like them. It was hard. I made myself even more different when girls started to wear makeup and I chose not to, for two reasons 1) I didn’t have the money to buy make up. 2) I could sleep more if I didn’t worry about it, and I embraced my natural self.

Now a 20 something in college, I wear makeup, but it is never to change who I am or the way I look. I use it to enhance the beauty I have been given. If you know me well you know that I really don’t have time for anything more than some mascara and maybe filling in my eyebrows. But on the days I have time to put more make up on, its usually never more than a natural color eye shadow and a pink lipstick if I have time. I am confident in my skin, not because I could never be like other people, but because this is who God made me to be.

God is my reason for my confidence in who I am as a person. He made every cell divide in just the right way, he arranged my DNA in the most beautiful and unique way, so that I would never be like any one else on this planet. Knowing this I would never want to change or hide the beauty God gave me. Yes I am a corrupted, sinful, broken human. But he loves me in a way that make me perfect, whole, and beautiful. To try and change or hide is to deny what God has blessed me with, and this is why my beauty could never be found in a eye shadow pallet, because it is only found God, who made me who I am today!



Choosing My Family

I have been working on this post for what feels like years but in reality it’s only been half a week. This post isn’t about how I was given a chance to choose who was my in my family, because if I was honest I would give the world to have the people who are related to me be a real family like I have seen many of my friends be blessed with.  You also have to understand that I do not envy them for the fact that they have something that I have never experienced, because if I did then I could not really be friends with me, because my envi would drive me from them and them from me. I know that experiencing what I have has made me who I am today, and I know that they experiencing what they have have made them who they are.

This post is to thank them, they have truly showed me what it means to love deeply and unabashedly, to have hope, to dream for the future, to love a God who wants to love me. My girls friends have showed me what a woman of God, a daughter of christ looks like. They have showed me the kind, loving, Strong, independent woman of God I want to be and strive to be. They have taught me to love all of my faults, all of the things I can not make perfect but the fact that God can make me strong in those weaknesses.

My guy friends have taught me what a man of christ looks like. How he is supposed to treat not only his wife and daughters but the woman in his life who he is not related to. they have taught me. They have been an example of what waiting for , as cheesy as it sounds, true love, and how amazing as it can be.

I know now that I did not get to “choose” my family, because God chose it for me, and he did a wonderful job. A much better job than I could have even hoped of doing. We may not be related by blood or even marriage, but we are a family. Yes we have our high and our lows, but no matter what happens we were brought together for a reason, and I know why, well I hope to understand, why God brought me to this group of people in this time. They have taught me so many things, and I know they will keep teaching me. But I know we will always be a family, no matter where we end up later in our lives, because we know that we have people who have our backs, and a God who will never stop loving us.

So Thank you to each of my friends, you know who you are. You have all taught me to love myself even the darkest places, and I could thank you ever day of my life but that still not come close to how I feel.